Finding A Polyamorous Partner
Since the speculation over Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin possibly-polyamorous relationship has been the celeb gossip press, there’s been more and more chatter around polyamorous – or open – relationships. If you’re a couple who is looking to open up your bedroom to a third person, you might be wondering how to take that first step.
Here are our tips for finding a polyamorous partner for your existing relationship.
Set the ground rules with your existing partner – Before you start looking for a significant third, be sure that you and your partner are on the same page. Is this just for one of you to enjoy, or will you be ‘sharing’ this new person? Is it for sex only, or more of a loving relationship? Is this a onetime deal or something more ongoing? You want to be confident that this new person will only enhance your current relationship and not create problems down the road.
Look for safe places to connect with poly lovers – Most mainstream dating sites do have options for looking for polyamorous partners. You want to be open and honest in your profile. It’s not worth putting that your ‘single’ in hopes of getting more attention. Make it clear that you are in fact in a committed relationship but looking for another lover – and that your partner is aware of this. If the online dating scene isn’t for you, you can also join local ‘swingers’ clubs and other meetups for alternative lifestyles. This is particularly easy if you happen to have other lifestyle related fetishes, such as BDSM.
Explain fully what type of relationship you’re looking for – Just as you made what you were looking for clear to your current partner, be sure your new potential lover is on the same page as well. Most lovers in the open relationship lifestyle want to be confident that both members of the existing relationship are happy with the arrangement – even if there’s only one of them involved. While “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” relationships do exist, it’s more confidence boosting to know that there’s full communication with everyone involved.
Communicate and reevaluate regularly – As with so many aspects of relationship building, communication should be your number one priority. Not only do you need to get the foundations right at the start, keep talking throughout those first few encounters. Discuss what you liked, and what you disliked. Talk about your feelings. It’s OK to change your mind and want different things than when you started. Sometimes ‘purely sex’ triads evolve into those with emotions attached. All relationships evolve – even the polyamorous ones!