Four Rules To Hooking Up With Your Friends Ex

There’s a certain unspoken rule between many groups of friends – and that’s to never date each other’s exes. Some see it as disrespectful to their initial friendship, especially if the friendship was formed before the boyfriend or girlfriend came along. Others feel that even if the relationship is ‘oked’ on one level, it’s going to be hard to go to your friend for advice on relationships when you’re in the sack with their ex. But – there’s a few reasons that dating your friend’s ex would happen. In smaller communities where everyone knows everyone else, it’s hard not to date someone that’s never hooked up with your inner circle. While other friends realize that all couplings can be complicated, with this just being part of that bag. In order to make things less an issue, we’ve got five rule to hooking up with your friend’s ex to make it easy on all the parties involved.Four Rules To Hooking Up With Your Friends Ex1. Avoid taking sides with your friend and your new partner. Breakups can hurt for a long period of time. You may have been your friend’s shoulder to cry on during that split. Your new lover may also still have a bit of a sting from the break up. But now you’re trying to balance your friendship with your new boyfriend or girlfriend, you might find yourself stuck in the middle. Be an open ear to both but try and remain objective to both sides.

2. Don’t be tempted to dig for comparisons – or anything, really. While it’s a good rule of thumb to totally avoid the whole ‘am I cuter / smarter / nicer / better than your ex’ conversation, it’s super important to not go there when the ex is a friend of yours. If your partner uses that as a compliment – something like ‘you’re so much better at cooking than so-and-so ever was’, let them know that you appreciate their thoughts, you don’t want to be compared to anyone else. You are your own person.

3. No relationship autopsies. While you may think it’s a good idea to pick apart your friend and their ex’s relationship to see where things went wrong (to ensure you don’t follow that same path), it’s not healthy. Your relationship is an independent entity to theirs. If they want to share what happened with you, and for you to draw your own conclusions is one thing. Purposely asking and picking apart the hows and whys is another.

4. Know that some ex’s really shouldn’t be your next boyfriend. There’s a huge difference between ‘things just didn’t work out’ and other reasons couples break up. Infidelity, criminal acts, abuse, abandonment – these are all huge red flags that should keep you from ever thinking about picking up where your bestie left off. When children are involved, there are also a larger level of complications when it comes to establishing both friendships and relationships. Realize that sometimes, they really are off limits.

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