Getting Over Your Relationship Insecurities
As irrational as it may seem, sometimes insecurities in our own relationships appear out of nowhere. You may even be questioning why you have these feelings that have seemingly sprung up out of the blue. When you’re trying to work past the insecurities that you feel in your loving relationship, there are a few things to keep in mind – especially when it comes to working through them.
At the very base of it, relationship insecurities are based on a fear of loss. It’s your brain’s way to prepare yourself for a possible hardship – even when we’re not actually sure it’s going to happen. When that fear of loss is established in your brain, sometimes it’s harder to work around the ‘silly’ things that we’ve let slide in the past. Loss isn’t just applied to relationships – it can be the worry of your car getting stolen, your job being cut, or baggage getting sent on the wrong flight. All of these things can brew up the strangest worries in our minds.
When it comes to relationships, though, these insecurities can be worked through. The first is by accepting the fact that this worry is in fact natural. You can control this emotion through a few means, such as reminding yourself that your partner does value you and your relationship. Be confident that you are the most important person in his or her life. If you genuinely do not feel this way – and it’s more than emotions controlling that decision – communication needs to happen.Without presenting any accusations, express to your partner what you are worried about. Usually, this centers around cheating, or spending what you feel is too much time with others. Be realistic in your approach and discuss concrete facts. “I think you were texting that woman at work because you think she’s hot.” is a less effective way of asking “I’m not sure what you were saying on the text but I’m worried it would be something I wouldn’t like.” Don’t project your interpretation as to what is going on to your lover – lay out a foundation for them to come back with the actual details.
If in the back of your head, you know your insecurities are silly – let them pass. Keep yourself busy with activities that will take your mind off the issue until you’ve calmed down. This is when picking up a new hobby, spending time with your friends and family, or even just going for a run will help settle things in your mind. Remember to draw the line between irrational emotions and concrete issues that may be causing your relationship insecurities.
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