I hate buying wedding gifts…I mean I REALLY hate buying wedding gifts. When my friends have weddings I usually go ahead and stuff some cash into a card and know that they’ll appreciate what I’ve given, with no chance of them returning such a present. A wedding registry is nice to have, but I can’t stand the idea of getting something that they know might be coming their way. So when my best friend’s wedding came around I needed to think outside the box a little bit.
My girlfriend Jen is one of those friends that I can say anything to, and would jump off a bridge for her just because she invited me to. So on the weekend before the wedding, we were discussing final bridal party plans (after all I was the maid of honor!), and we had a nice long chat over some red wine (since she couldn’t drink any in her white dress). I knew I was planning on only giving them cash, but when I got to be about 4 glasses deep, I started the conversation. As I recall, it went something like “Hey Jen, what do you REALLY want as a wedding gift? Give me an idea…something that no one else is even going to think of getting you.” She thought for about a minute or so, with her eyes rolling to the top of her head. And like it was nothing, she simply blurted out “A Sex Toy.” I was excited and blown away at the same time.
Jen went on to explain that while the sex was amazing, she felt like it could use something a little extra, and the honeymoon would be the perfect place to pull out something new and exciting and start experimenting. She didn’t go into much detail about what exactly she was looking for, so it was completely up to me what to get. I knew a simple dildo wasn’t going to cut it. In fact, anything I bought had to be pleasure for both him and her, so I was going to have to dig a bit deeper. Obviously, since I’m writing this article on here, I’ve had my fair share of experience with sex toys, but I’ve never bought one that would be perfect for a couple. I’ve bought some for me and even a couple for my boyfriend, but this one had to work both ways.
Fortunately, it didn’t take much to get possibly the best idea for both the bride and the groom to enjoy their hotel room during their honeymoon getaway. I quickly got onto Adam & Eve and went right for the sex swings. I knew I wanted hot and erotic, but I felt like if I went too kinky, they’d get a little bit freaked about and possibly never talk to me again. A sex swing is the ultimate wedding gift. It doesn’t have any awkward shape, it certainly wouldn’t “accidentally” start vibrating in the middle of a bunch of wedding presents, and it left the minds of the bride and groom to figure out what to do with it.
So how’d it go? Well, I got a phone call from Jen the day after they got back from their honeymoon. She left a voicemail, with a quivering voice, and just said, “Thank you….so…much.” Mission accomplished.