Insecurity in Relationships – How You are Secretly Sabotaging Yours

My roommate finally got a boyfriend after she broke up with her gay ex. But because of her recent break up, she told me how she lacks confidence with her current relationship. I was once insecure and it ruined my relationship.

Insecurity is definitely a contagious disease. In the early stages you may not show any obvious symptoms, but the disease is already beginning to spread all over parts of your relationship. And as it evolves, it becomes more obvious and more deadly. There are a lot of aspects that one could get insecure of but let me tell you some few examples.

Let’s say your partner has a close friend of the opposite sex, just really friends. If the disease is present in your mind, you may start doing things like erasing messages or forgetting to tell your partner that their friend called. But what happens when your partner finds out you’ve been doing this? This is where the disease begins to spread rapidly and almost out of control without the proper medicine to treat it. What used to be passive aggressive behavior now turns into a war over this one subject. Instead of erasing messages, you’re answering the phone and arguing with the friend. Instead of forgetting to tell your partner, you’re questioning why they called at all.

The easiest way to fix the issue is to talk with your partner. Don’t assume right away that something is going on with your partner and his/her friend. If you keep doing it, it will be like pushing him/her away. The next thing you know is he/she already made your assumptions come true.

One more example is when you constantly find mistakes by persistently focusing on your partner’s imperfections. Your partner told you about the mistakes he did, apologized, and promised not to do it again. You said you forgave him/her but you secretly never forget. So you tend to bring it up all the time, especially when you get to the next argument. You start to accuse your partner of something that he/she haven’t even done yet.

It’s not bad to bring up your partner’s flaws so he/she could be aware of it and do something about it but doing it every now and then is sickening. Instead of significantly sabotaging your relationship, why not focus on his/her good qualities?

You may not know but this will help your partner assume not to tell you important things anymore. And because of this, a simple trouble could lead to a more terrible one. Your partner won’t trust you anymore and would learn to keep secrets rather than telling you the truth.

And did you forget that one of the most important parts of a relationship is trust? Based on my experiences and the world’s relationship history, relationship won’t work without it. Love can never be love without trust. So before things get worse, learn to be confident about yourself and your relationship.