Destroying the Dating Rule Myth
Do not call him back for 48 hours.
Never let him pay.
Pretend you are uninterested in her.
Heard these dating myths before? Well, frankly I am calling bullshit on them. I find dating rules to be overly self-protective. It’s like you are already trying to put up a shield before you even get to know someone and I don’t believe that is the best place to start any relationship. Yes, you should slow yourself down a bit, examine what works and what doesn’t for you and spend a bit of time with your love interest to see if there is true compatibility but none of that has to do with a set time to call, date, have sex or pretend to be anything other than exactly who you are.
Follow Your Intuition
Ultimately, it’s best if you can clue into your own intuition of the situation. Ask yourself some questions. Did you both seem to hit it off? Is there real chemistry there? Do you feel like you want to see her again soon? There will be times when your experience of meeting won’t be the same as hers but it’s worth going with your gut. I believe that everyone (not just women) likes to feel wanted and if you truly feel a connection with her, that calling her within a day or so would be welcomed.
Too Cool for School
It is possible to play it too cool. And the old myth of playing hard to get isn’t really fair. If you have to “play” anything then you’re creating a game out of the situation – a fantasy and that isn’t usually how I would suggest most couple’s begin their relationship. Honesty is always the best policy and that means following your heart and doing what feels the most “real” to you, which may be to contact her the next day after the date to say what a good time you had. Now granted, this doesn’t mean that you should overwhelm him or her with inappropriate attention. Let’s say, calling ten times over the next couple of days or demanding that they should go out with you again isn’t healthy either.
Be a Good Dater
This means that for as much as you are following your heart, being considerate to where the other person is emotionally is just as important. An important component of all relationships should be reciprocity. There should be a balance of mutual interest between partners. She may call you within a couple of days. Returning phone calls and actually doing what you say you are going to can grow the most interest between people. No one should be doing all of the work. A natural flow of interest early in the relationship has a better chance of breeding a healthy long-term relationship.
Dr. Kat is the resident sexologist at Adam & Eve and also runs a private practice and media consulting business. She has a Doctorate from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. Her professional affiliations include AASECT, SSSS, and the American Board of Sexologists. She also has a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology and completed a postgraduate degree in Marriage, Family and Addictions Recovery Therapy.
© Copyright Dr. Kathleen Van Kirk