Dr. Kat’s Tips for Going Downtown (on Her)

Lots of guys feel pretty clueless when it comes to giving oral sex to their female partners. I believe this is why some guys claim not to like giving head to a woman – they simply don’t have the confidence they might have in other capacities in the bedroom. So, I boiled it down to some quick and dirty tips that will guarantee you a better oral sex session in just one use. Have at it…

You Road Map (aka Female Anatomy)

I know the stereotype is that men don’t like to ask for directions but come on boys, no one is looking and your girl will totally thank you for learning her lady parts.

  • X-Marks the spot:
    • Know your anatomy: Clitoris, Labia Minora, Labia Majora, Perineum, Mons Pubis.
  • Revel in it:
    • There is nothing that will make her come faster than your enjoyment. Be sure to moan and tell her how much you’re enjoying yourself.
  • Do your ABC’s:
    • Trace the alphabet on her clit with your tongue. Mouth L words, curl your tongue and slide it in and out.
  • Let’s Talk About Sex:
    • Talk about what you both like and don’t. Maybe discuss your favorite oral sex scene in an erotic video.
  • Comfort is King:
    • Find a place with no distractions where you will have time to explore. But oral sex can be great for a quickie too!

What you need to know before you go (down)

  • Ask for a Tour:
    • Have her use her fingers to demonstrate her preferred spot and motion.
  • Indirect is best:
    • Don’t stimulate too directly in the beginning. Some women new to the sensation are very sensitive. Work your way in to the clit by kissing and licking the inner thighs and vulva.
  • Look for the cues:
    • If she is getting there and you make a move to come up — watch her reactions. Is she’s letting you know with her body language that she’s getting close to orgasm.
  • Not all the same:
    • Do not rely on the same oral sex techniques that worked on a former lover. What may have worked before, may not now. Hopefully she’s communicating to you what brings her to orgasm, just be sure you’re following the directions to HER “Owner’s Manual” and not someone else’s.
  • Hair versus not:
    • Less hair does enable most men to identify parts more easily but learn to navigate regardless.
  • Scent of a Woman:
    • Perfumes should be used sparingly. It won’t taste better than she does. Regular hygiene should do the trick. Taking an erotic bath or shower together first can heighten the arousal. However, if there is an unnaturally bad smell it could be a sign of infection.
  • Taste Test:
    • Taste can vary according to variables such as diet and hormones. Each woman will have her own “brand.”
  • Become a connoisseur! :
    • “Beavers are Gorgeous” — This is your opportunity to get up close and personal. Take in the beauty.

      Dr. Kat Oral Sex Tips

 Positions to Give Her Oral Sex

  • Sit back and Relax:
    • Most couples begin with the woman sitting in a chair or on the bed. This gives full access to the genitals and support to the back so that the woman is relaxed and her hands are free to stimulate herself. The partner performing oral sex can lie or sit facing the woman, free to use his or her hands for stimulation with the fingers.
  • The Squat:
    • The woman can squat on all fours or if strong enough just on her legs over her lover’s face as she or he is lying down. If she is using her hands to stabilize herself, some prefer this position because it allows her to move her pelvis to accentuate the stimulation.
  •  The “69”:
    • This position also allows a couple to mutually stimulate one another when it is performed with each partner kneeling over one another at opposite ends. This position can be a bit trickier because it can be difficult to place your tongue right where you want it and it may be more challenging for either one of you to orgasm if you are focused on performing for the other person.
  • On “Her” Knees:
    • She can kneel over you, facing forward and have more hip control.
  • Standing:
    • Couples who wish to engage in playful dominance-submissive role playing might like to try standing while the other partner performs oral sex on his or her knees


Cunnilingus Techniques – The Basics:

  • Use your whole mouth:
    • Circle around the clit and suck gently, don’t just flick. Get your whole mouth involved.
  • Tongue Fatigue:
    • Replace your tongue with a finger or toy if you need a break.
  • Getting feedback:
    • Keep going until you feel (hear) a response such as groaning, muscle tightening (thighs press to ears), arching of the back, and curling of toes.
  • Don’t Rush:
    • She will feel your urgency to come up for air. The biggest killer of pleasure.
  • Don’t Stop!
    • If you can feel her orgasm building, keep going.
  • Energetic flicking:
    • Use this sparingly as a stiff tongue may be too hard on the sensitive clit.
  • Long prolonged strokes:
    • From above her clit, down to her perineum.
  • Sucking:
    • Try varying pressure and start lightly.
  • Circle the Clitoris:
    • Lick underneath, on the shaft, around the hood.
  • Get a Rhythm:
    • You won’t need to go faster and faster. And don’t change position when it’s working! Rhythm is important. — Try ’em all and see what she responds to… Firm dispersed pressure — In any direction on and around the clit.
  • Soft sloppy strokes:
    • Side to side with lots of saliva.
  • Tongue Fucking:
    • Make your way away from the clit to the vagina.
  • Humming:
    • Send subtle vibrations through the whole area.
  • Add a Vibrator:
    • While licking your lover insert a vibrator or dildo into her vagina. Try a finger vibrator.
  • Breath Mints/Cough Drops:
    • Have a mint or menthol drop in your mouth to give both her and you a refreshing tingle during oral sex.
  • G-Spot:
    • Get a specially designed vibrator to work on not only giving her a clitoral orgasm but a G-Spot one too. You can also use one or two fingers inserted about two inches into the vagina to rub the top wall.
  • Ass Play:
    • Use your saliva as lubricant to rub and insert your fingers or butt toy into her anus.
  • Dental Dams:
    • These are small latex sheets placed over the vulva to create a barrier to body fluids while performing oral sex. However, oral sex is considered to be a lower risk activity when it comes to HIV transmission.
  • Dessert Anyone?
    • Eating sexy foods off of and out of her can really mix it up.
  • Mons Massage:
    • The mons is the mound of skin which is found on top the pubic bone above the vaginal opening. Take one or both of your hands and carefully touch the mons and surrounding area much the same way you would massage someone’s shoulders. Be careful with the amount of pressure and the broadness of your movements.

Ultimately, give yourself permission to learn the ins and outs of female oral sex over several sessions. You’ll learn the nuances of each of your lover’s bodies if you just stay present and open to the possibilities.


 is the resident sexologist at Adam & Eve and also runs a private practice and media consulting business.  She has a Doctorate from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality.  Her professional affiliations include AASECT, SSSS, and the American Board of Sexologists.  She also has a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology and completed a postgraduate degree in Marriage, Family and Addictions Recovery Therapy.

© Copyright Dr. Kathleen Van Kirk