Hot Sex and Making Babies
I know a lot of you out there are embarking upon the parenthood trajectory and there’s nothing like having to have sex that kills desire. Whether you are in fertility treatments or just “trying” (gosh, I hate that term), sex can begin to feel like a chore.
It can be a weird time for most couples who until this point have spent their whole lives trying NOT to get pregnant/knock someone up. Now that the goalie is removed it should be fun, right? Well, not if you are stuck taking your basal body temperature every morning, charting your every vaginal lubrication or injecting yourself with hormones.
As someone who was very proactive with one out of my two pregnancies (number two decided to show up on her own — thank you breast feeding weaning goddesses), I know what a mind fuck it can be try for even a few months. In fact, long term fertility issues have been shown to kill plenty of relationships. Alas, here are a few ideas to keep things fun and help you and your partner stay on the same team.
- Instead of getting overwhelmed by having to do “it” on a schedule, make it a game. See how many times in a week you can sneak sex in.
- Get a book or video on sex positions and commit to trying a new one each day you have sex.
- Feeling too mechanical? Crack a joke and relieve some pressure. Laughing about it can help you stay in the mood.
- Don’t have time with other kids, work etc to have long love making sessions in bed? Sneak it in while in the shower or use it to relieve stress right before bed at night.
- Be honest. If you really, truly aren’t feeling it, know you can come back to it tomorrow and start fresh. It’s not about taking things personally. Grudges aren’t sexy.
- Enjoy a moratorium. Sometimes the best thing you can do after trying for long periods of time is to give yourselves a break. I can’t tell you how many couples I have known, who once they relieved the pressure of having to get pregnant got pregnant because they weren’t stressed anymore. Stress can raise cortisol levels in the body and mess with your hormones. It can actually impede your ability to get pregnant.
Kids and parenthood are beautiful things but it’s no good if you allow your relationship to suffer in order to make those things happen. Enjoy the procreative sex you are having now because once you get pregnant or adopt and have those lovely little kiddos running you ragged, there’s a whole other article I’ll need to refer you to keep your sex life on track.
Dr. Kat is the resident sexologist at Adam & Eve and also runs a private practice and media consulting business. She has a Doctorate from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. Her professional affiliations include AASECT, SSSS, and the American Board of Sexologists. She also has a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology and completed a postgraduate degree in Marriage, Family and Addictions Recovery Therapy.
© Copyright Dr. Kathleen Van Kirk