It’s baby craziness last week with the birth of the third in line to the English throne. It does seem like Kate Middleton has been pregnant forever but now that the blessed moment has finally arrived, there’s something else Kate and Wills might want to focus on and that is intimacy.
Everyone knows that having a kiddo (whether you are a monarch or not) can be a major disruptor in the ol’sex life. Part of it has to do with midnight feedings and the other has to do with the fact that one just can’t help but be in awe of the little bundle of joy they just created.
Here are my top three tips for the royal couple to get their groove back on post baby.
Physical Contact. It may seem simple but most couples forget to spend time showing affection to one another after the birth of baby. Couples just want to shower it on the little one. Especially Momma if she is breastfeeding. All of that physical closeness equals the release of the bonding hormone oxytocin. Moms end up getting such an influx from their child that they stop seeking it out from their partner via cuddling, canoodling and general sexy pursuits. Hence, many partners complain that they are left hung out to dry post baby. I suggest Will and Kate find time in between feedings – even if it’s five minutes at a time, to be physically close. It may help too if they can breastfeed with Will in bed with them. Also, baths together and foot rubs help to reconnect as well. It can be anything that helps increase touch between partners. Then the more bonding you have between one another, the more positive energy you’ll create towards baby.
The 6 Week No Sex is a Myth. Well, sort of. Don’t disobey doctor’s orders about penis/vagina sex. The cervix does need to have time to close up after dilating for birth. This means ixnay on penetrative sex for at least several weeks (FYI, European standards often suggest four weeks instead of six – they are just so randy over there). But let’s not define sex only by penis in vagina. Kate and Wills to should feel free to enjoy lots of make out sex (see tip number one) and then move on to oral sex or some external sex toy use when comfortable. You say I sound crazy? That hey, lady sexologist, I just gave birth to a bowling ball and don’t want anyone near my stuff! – Insert Kate’s English accent. But orgasms post birth can be so delish! Orgasms can actually help the healing process along as well and increase milk production. Plus the sooner Kate jumps back on the horse, the less chance Wills will be begging her for sex six months later or secretly masturbating to porn in some far off room of the palace. Just be careful with the penetrative sex even at six weeks. Don’t pull a Tori Spelling where you get pregnant a month after giving birth.
Nipples Are Not Off Limits. Yes, they are hella sensitive post birth and especially the first few weeks of breastfeeding. But I’ve heard docs warn their patients off the nipples like partners would get some sort of plague by touching them. Often times, it is just a matter of handling the nipples a little differently than one normally would. And the increased sensitivity can be a real turn on. For instance, Kate might not want Wills to bite or pinch but she might love licking and kneading.
Partners, pahleez do not cry over a little spilled milk. A little bit of milk leakage might be common due to just a stiff breeze let alone breast play. I actually think that all partners should taste the milk of their partners as a binding experience any way. It’s a pretty amazing little dairy bar. Wills just needs to be respectful of the type and amount of nipple play that feels good to Kate.
So congratulations to the new wee royal. Hopefully, he has been born into a very loving and sexy relationship between Wills and Kate. After all, the parents that play together stay together.
Dr. Kat is the resident sexologist at Adam & Eve and also runs a private practice and media consulting business. She has a Doctorate from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. Her professional affiliations include AASECT, SSSS, and the American Board of Sexologists. She also has a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology and completed a postgraduate degree in Marriage, Family and Addictions Recovery Therapy.
© Copyright Dr. Kathleen Van Kirk