Is the Bachelorette a Slut?

You would think with all the furor this week over rejected bachelor, Nick Viall’s comment that bachelorette contestant Andi Dorfman betrayed him that there is an apocalypse upon us. The gist of the situation is that Ms. Dorfman had to choose between Viall and another contestant, Josh Murray. Apparently Viall was pretty convinced that he was going to be the one to propose to Dorfman.  So convinced, that he laid out this little nugget of a sound byte:

“If you weren’t in love with me, I’m just not sure why, like, why you made love with me,” further noting that their night together was “fiance-type stuff.” Dorfman called his comments “below the belt”.Is the Bachelorette a SlutThen the media frenzy began. Fox News’ The Five co-host, Bob Beckel chimed in that “She’s a slut!” he declared. “I’m not kidding you. She sleeps with someone else, and then doesn’t tell the guy about it. This is what America’s come to, this crap.” And these sentiments are not just limited to lovely Fox News. Millions of people have taken to the web calling Dorfman everything from a liar to a sociopath. This is unfortunately slut shaming at its finest.

I have to admit that when I first heard about all of this I was like, “what’s the big deal? Don’t all bachelor/bachelorettes sleep with at least a couple of their top picks? I suppose it is something that doesn’t get mentioned on the show a whole lot but I’m sure it happens. It’s just that this guy, meaning Viall, decided to call Dorfman out on it. Which he’s allowed to do. My issue isn’t with him being confused about the relationship. I think that sort of misunderstanding happens everyday in all of our relationships. My problem is with the slut shaming that has occurred all over the media. These are adults here people, hello!? Everything was consensual and I’m sorry but if I were considering marrying a guy, I’d want to know what our relationship was like in the sack first. You can have a great relationship with someone but if there is no sexual chemistry, what’s the point? As far as I’m concerned, Dorfman was doing her due diligence.

I do wish Dorfman had handled the situation better. She could have been empowered by all of this and just admitted that it was her prerogative to have sex with whom ever she wants. This is how we choose partners. We go out and experiment with what’s it’s like to be with other people. Geez, people are using the word slut like it’s a negative thing.


 is the resident sexologist at Adam & Eve and also runs a private practice and media consulting business. She has a Doctorate from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. Her professional affiliations include AASECT, SSSS, and the American Board of Sexologists. She also has a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology and completed a postgraduate degree in Marriage, Family and Addictions Recovery Therapy.

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