Khloe and Lamar: Sexual Soul Mates?

Khloe Kardashian tried to get her freak on with her husband in this season’s premier episode of “Khloe and Lamar.” Her attempted self-install of a sex swing was pretty cute. If you’ve seen the episode you know it didn’t end in hot sex but rather in some Lucille Ball ala’ 2012 sexual hi-jinks. Yes, Lamar attempted to mount Khloe in the swing and yes, the swing broke. But whether the scene was contrived or not, you gotta love Khloe’s hutzpah at keeping the sex in their relationship hot. I particularly like when she said that, “It’s so much work to be a sexual person”.

khloe and lamar Photo by sharetv.org

I think we’ve all felt like that at one time or another but the difference is a lot of us don’t attempt anything new or different. We just expect our sex lives to maintain with no thought whatsoever. Especially if we’ve fallen in love with our “soul mate”, right? Not so, the Sexologist (that’s me), says. Falling in love with your soul mate does not guarantee great sex. I think Khloe is pretty astute (how often have you heard that phrase when someone has referred to the Kardashian’s?) that it does take a little work to keep that sexual honeymoon going.

Our sex lives is a lot like maintaining a car. If we aren’t doing occasional oil changes things are probably going to go to shit at some point. You need to be listening for those squeaks and knocks, otherwise, the whole engine might drop out suddenly. I know you’ve heard it before, “sex needs to be a priority”. But how are you supposed to do that while working full time and raising kids?

Small adjustments along the way can have a big over all effect. It’s not about having to do major overhauls constantly but it’s about staying connected in small ways. Sex is tied to emotional intimacy and communication. There are physiological responses that are important for our sense of feeling bonded to our partner. If you’re not having sex on a regular basis it could affect other aspects of your relationship. Is that why she gets so pissed when he forgets to take out the trash or he feels she’s nagging him? Maybe. It’s one component to keep everything lubed up in your long term relationship.

I loved the fact that Lamar was actually doing a little role playing and that Khloe went out of the way to create a “sex chamber of love”. But ultimately, the part of the episode that seemed most earnest was when after all that, Khloe feels rejected because Lamar is too tired to have sex. It happens, even to reality show stars. Does it happen that Khloe feels rejected sexually all the time? Probably not and that’s the kicker. Every one has a pattern.

Off nights happen but as long as you have a solid pattern established that shows that you’ve put a little maintenance time then being a little late with a new pair of shocks isn’t going to be such a big deal. It’s the little things that we do for one another in a sexual relationship that make a difference. Whether that’s buying a sex swing or making a date with your partner, you’ve got to put a little time in to keep things going. Sexual soul mates don’t take care of themselves. You have to put a little fuel in the tank every now and then. Thanks for reminding us, Khloe and Lamar.

They have a passion for one another that doesn’t have to be sexual.


 is the resident sexologist at Adam & Eve and also runs a private practice and media consulting business.  She has a Doctorate from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality.  Her professional affiliations include AASECT, SSSS, and the American Board of Sexologists.  She also has a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology and completed a postgraduate degree in Marriage, Family and Addictions Recovery Therapy.

© Copyright Dr. Kathleen Van Kirk