Know Thyself: The S-exam
How to Do a Sex Exam
Ever heard of a Sexological Exam? Or S-exam for short? No need for a doctor. It’s a practice to help you really learn about your body. True, many of us go through life having sex, periods, and giving birth without knowing what we look like “down there”. This exam identifies what each part looks and feels like, so you can know for yourself and your partner what feels good to you. The purpose of the exam is not to necessarily get you turned on… although that might happen. Consider the S-exam as a way to develop your owner’s manual to pleasure – and it’s great to share with a partner.
Start your S-exam:
- Set a sensual mood. Wear a robe for easy access. Make sure your comfortable and have good lighting. If you feel more comfortable, have a bath first.
- Sit with your back against a pillow, knees propped up and your feet on the floor or bed.
- Spread your legs; use a hand mirror to see yourself.
- Using a diagram as your guide, begin to identify each of the following parts of your vulva:
- Inner Labia
- Outer Labia
Explore with different sensations:
- Note the texture and color of the skin of each part.
- If you’d like a more “slick” feeling, add a little lube as you touch.
- You may want to experiment by using different props to touch yourself with. For instance: a vibrator, feather, or any object you think you may respond to.
- Using a finger, stroke each small area lightly.
- Keep track of what area and stroke feels best to you. Mark a photocopied diagram with numbers 1 (no sensitivity) to 5 (extremely sensitive) for each area you touch. Note that in addition to being highly pleasurable, extreme sensitivity may also mean that the area is uncomfortable to touch.
Explore your Clitoris:
- Move the hood of the clitoris back and forth over the glans.
- Apply different types of pressure.
- Pay attention to the fleshy area that surrounds the clitoris too.
Flex your PC muscle:
- Your PC muscle is the muscle you flex when you urinate. When you flex it purposely you are performing “Kegel” exercises.
- Exercising your PC has many benefits — it can make orgasms more intense, childbirth easier, and improve bladder control. Place two fingers in the outer third of the vagina.
- Try tightening your PC muscles (also known as Kegel exercises). Do this with two fingers inside. Attempt to “suck in” your fingers into your vagina by pulling in with your muscles. Try to force them out by bearing down.
Explore your Vagina:
- Use a lubed speculum to insert into your vagina (cheap, plastic ones are easy to purchase).
- Point a flashlight into your vagina, so you can see your cervix in the mirror.
Explore your Anus:
- Move to your anus. Note color, tightness etc…
- Experiment by inserting a lubed finger or specially designed anal toy.
image is a copyrighted photo of the model
- Make a rule to wait a couple of hours after the exam to have sex. This allows you both to make the most of the exam’s educational benefits.
- Follow the same suggestions as above and be sure to take turns exploring.
- Don’t touch one another at the same time. Each of you should focus solely on the other.
- Communicate what feels good and what doesn’t. Respect your partner. If a particular touch doesn’t feel good, move on to something else.
Dr. Kat is the resident sexologist at Adam & Eve and also runs a private practice and media consulting business. She has a Doctorate from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. Her professional affiliations include AASECT, SSSS, and the American Board of Sexologists. She also has a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology and completed a postgraduate degree in Marriage, Family and Addictions Recovery Therapy.
© Copyright DrKat LLC