Music as Sexual Candy

Music and sex, they make for very friendly bed fellows. I’m willing to bet that a lot of you out there utilize music as a part of your lovemaking or better yet remember the music playing during important sexy interludes – think when you lost your virginity, the first time you had sex with your spouse etc. Music truly is not only the soundtrack to our lives but can be a tool of seduction, relaxation or to create energy. I’ve been interviewed on the subject and this is what we deciphered when it comes to the connection between sexuality and musicology.

What makes some songs sexy and others not?
There are some common themes in what makes a song sexy. Sure, the content may be graphic (á la R. Kelly) or it may be more sultry, mood evoking music without lyrics. I believe it’s those songs that connect with you most deeply, that get into your psyche and trigger a very primal place that people find sexy.

Are there certain rhythms that are sexier than others? Why?
Some people have spoken about how important bass is and how it relates to tribal rhythms that we all on some level must be attuned to through evolution.

Where does the line stand between sexy and raunchy?
Music and arousal are very subjective. What turns one person on may turn off the next. It all depends on one’s erotic template – what content and themes are deemed a turn on by the individual. Erotic templates get developed early on. It’s basically a map for how we are sexually wired. So, if you are someone who becomes aroused by dirty language, a very explicit song may do the trick versus someone who finds certain imagery sexual, where a veiled description might set them off.

Is there a difference between the music you’d put on before sex and during sex?
I hear pretty consistently that more ambient ‘mood setting’ music works for arousal and foreplay while rhythmic beats turns up the energy during sex and penetration.

Is there a difference between music you’d put on for a first date and music you’d put on trying to get your long-term partner in the mood?
You might want to play it a bit more polite during the first date. No point in scaring someone off with something like Nine Inch Nails, ‘F*ck You Like an Animal’. Longer term relationships allow for more play and more explicitness. There should be a comfort that develops there so you can explore.

Also, most long term relationships could benefit from something new and different occasionally. Music can be a tool of seduction and a way to mix things up during the course of a sex session. It’s an easy way to introduce a spontaneous element.

 


 is the resident sexologist at Adam & Eve and also runs a private practice and media consulting business.  She has a Doctorate from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality.  Her professional affiliations include AASECT, SSSS, and the American Board of Sexologists.  She also has a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology and completed a postgraduate degree in Marriage, Family and Addictions Recovery Therapy.

© Copyright Dr. Kathleen Van Kirk