The new year is upon us and I’d like to take the time to point out that whoever you are out there that your sex life could use a little tune up. Yes, it’s a bit like spring cleaning but what better way to improve your partnered relationship.
At least you don’t have to clean out the oven or move all of the appliances to get to those dust bunnies. I’m promoting the idea of a sex stay-cation. This means sequestering your self form the world for at least 24-72 hours. Here are a few tips to make this happen.
Where the hell are Jack and Kate?
First off, tell everyone who needs to know that you will be unavailable by phone or e-mail or iPad or FaceTime or Skype or Facebook or Twitter or Instagram…Ok, Ok you get the picture. You don’t have to say to brother Billy Bob, “Hey, bro, I’m going on a sex stay-cation with the old ball and chain.” Nope just let them know you and the wifey are taking a much needed break and don’t want to be bothered with the scores from the most recent game. And find a place you are comfortable with for the kids. Don’t feel guilty. A healthier person makes for a healthier Mommy and Daddy.
But we can’t afford to go anywhere.
Best case scenario is to plunk a little down for a night or two a decent hotel. The purpose of this is that it should feel special and out of character. The whole thing should feel sensual. And clean sheets every day is delightful. However, if you can’t spring for that hotel, you can certainly accomplish this from home. Just dress the house up a bit by buying some new high thread count sheets. And decide to avoid the world by not opening the door or answering the phone. Duck behind the couch if you have to.
Implements will be needed
This means to integrate small gifts to yourself that help you feel special and sensual. Order sexy music from iTunes, get some silk boxers and lingerie, set up some fragrant candles and a bottle of champagne. Order sexy food from room service (or bring your own if you are going the cheap route). There are even sensual board games to try. Get a new sex toy or two ala AdamEve.com. There are lots of options.You just need to put your sexy thinking cap on.
Focus on your partner
Each of you should be thinking about what your partner might desire. It might include a bubble bath for her and a sensual massage for him. Maybe a bike ride through the park or a picnic. This is the stuff you never get to do in your daily life.
You should feel totally uncomfortable planning and doing all of this — at least in the beginning. Discomfort equals growth, the stepping outside of your boundary to create a new pathway. Doing this once will help you set up smaller date nights/days later on because you’ll know how much you value them now. Take a leap of faith for your relationship. You’ll never regret it.
image is a copyrighted photo of model(s)
Dr. Kat is the resident sexologist at Adam & Eve and also runs a private practice and media consulting business. She has a Doctorate from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. Her professional affiliations include AASECT, SSSS, and the American Board of Sexologists. She also has a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology and completed a postgraduate degree in Marriage, Family and Addictions Recovery Therapy.
© Copyright Dr. Kathleen Van Kirk