Sex Toy 101 – How to Choose Your First Sex Toy

Buying sex toys intimidating?  Gone are the days where you have to duck into seedy sex shops and grab the first item in front of you. Sex toys are main stream and there’s no shame in looking for quality either. The internet has opened up a whole new world of friendly and discreet shopping experiences that anyone can partake in. Let’s get you trained up to be a good sex toy consumer…






What to Buy

  • Sex Toy Soul Mate: There is a sex toy for everyone. Much like trying to find your soul mate, you should try out a variety of products first to see what works best for you. I suggest starting a few different toys with a lower price point so that when you do find your sex toy soul mate, you can feel good about anteing up in order to buy a higher end version that will last.
  • Turns Ons: What turns you on? Do you respond well to clitoral stimulation? Are you looking for a toy you can use with a partner? Curious about anal stimulation? Most online shops have their toys grouped in categories according to what the toy does for you. Pick something in your price range that appeals to you. It’s best to start basic and work your way into more complex toys.

How to Get Started

  • Go on a Date: With your toy! Yes, schedule a little me time with your new friend. Don’t expect to break it out last minute when you’re with a partner and realize you don’t even know how to turn it on.  Or keep thinking you’ll “use it someday” and let it rot in the nightstand.
  • Think Outside the Box: If it vibrates, don’t just press it into your clitoris. Try holding it gently against your labia, inserting it, and rolling it over the clitoris. Try different variations of handling the toy. It may also be great to put it against your nipple or outside of your anus. The possibilities are endless. Remember, though, that toys that do not have a flared base or tether should not be inserted into the anus. They can be difficult to get out – and a trip to the emergency room to have it removed is not the best way to start out with a new toy.

Caring for Your Toys

  •  Clean as a Whistle: Never put your toys away dirty. Ugh. They simply won’t last and how gross is it, to fish for a crusty toy at the last minute? Figure out what material your toy is made out of — some toys require special methods of cleaning, while you can put others into the dishwasher. Be sure to store your toys in a cool, dry place when not in use.
  • Wrap it Up: Some like to keep their toys fresh and ready to go at a moment’s notice by simply using condoms over them.

Where to Buy

Obviously, I’m biased here. I’m not’s resident sex expert for nothing. They have the widest variety of toys – over 30,000 different products — yikes! Pace yourself, my dears. They also have the best customer satisfaction policy I have come across. Plus they are discreet. No large dildo plastered boxes on your front doorstep. Happy shopping!


 is the resident sexologist at Adam & Eve and also runs a private practice and media consulting business.  She has a Doctorate from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality.  Her professional affiliations include AASECT, SSSS, and the American Board of Sexologists.  She also has a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology and completed a postgraduate degree in Marriage, Family and Addictions Recovery Therapy.

© Copyright Dr. Kathleen Van Kirk