Sexual Contracts ala 50 Shades of Grey

My colleague, Dr. Petra Zebroff had a brilliant idea. Why not write a sex positive version of the sexual contract inspired by the 50 Shades of Grey. Now you may ask, “what’s the need? I loved the book. The contract included in it was hot, tantalizing and intriguing. What is there to change?” 50 shadesAs a sexologist, I think most of us read 50 Shades of Grey with a slightly different viewpoint. I’m not going to bag on it. There are things I liked about it. I appreciated the vulnerability written in to both characters, I liked the current of non-vanilla sex that ran through it, I liked that it got America talking about female sexuality again — as if female sexuality went anywhere but I’ll take this resurgence wherever I can get it.

Now let’s see, an aspect of the book that could be improved is the contract itself. This is where my dear friend, Dr. Zebroff comes in. She has often been asked as of late if these contracts are real and if so, how would they work in real life? She rewrote the contract to be more realistic, more sex positive and yes, I believe more respectful. You can find a download here:

http://artofconnection.org/popular-dating-intimacy-and-sexual-topicss/your-sexual-contract/

The beauty of this book and the contract itself is that it gets us all thinking about what we do and don’t like to do in the bedroom. What we’d be willing to try and what would be a hard “no”. Most of us submit to the whims of our partners everyday without so much as thinking about these aspects of our sexual relationships. How much more fulfilling could sex be for all of us if we outlined for our partners what we wanted? You know, at least gave them a bit of an owner’s manual to all of our parts. It could at the very least be a verbal contract, sealed with a kiss.


 is the resident sexologist at Adam & Eve and also runs a private practice and media consulting business. She has a Doctorate from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. Her professional affiliations include AASECT, SSSS, and the American Board of Sexologists. She also has a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology and completed a postgraduate degree in Marriage, Family and Addictions Recovery Therapy.

© Copyright Dr. Kathleen Van Kirk