Sexual Healing for Ourselves and Our Kids

I get lots of questions from people who have sexual issues, whether it is erection problems or female arousal and orgasm issues. Many of these boil down to how we all got imprinted in our childhoods and teens about sexuality. I’m talking about the messages each and everyone of us received via the media, peers, parents, school, religion etc. Most people have no idea that their presenting issue in therapy is related to negative sex messaging but it comes up more often than not.

You could argue that it is especially profound today with the advent of the internet – it’s not just about toggling the cable box to get Playboy in black and white with no sound. Nope, it’s full on porn. The flip side to this is that there is plenty of accurate sex information for young adults on the web and if this is the only way they can get it, far be it from me to say that can’t have access. What’s tricky is what they may come upon in their search for real sex ed answers. Squirting scenes and gang bangs wouldn’t be on my list for my girls but that’s a whole other discussion that the Net Nanny and I will be having.

Anyway, we’ve got these negative sexual issues in the adult population and we also need to worry about how we as adults are portraying sex – or not, which is it’s own issue to our children. Are we setting our kids up to be as dysfunctional as we are, or even worse? I’ve talked to many parents about this issue and most agree (once they get over their own shock that they are discussing their kid’s sexuality) that they would want their kids to have a healthy and fulfilling sex life. I argue that for most of us, that means healing our own wounds around sexuality. Whether it’s body image issues, religious shame or simply a complete lack of accurate information, which leads to poor critical thinking skills when it comes to sex.

Sexual Healing

Anyway, we’ve got these negative sexual issues in the adult population and we also need to worry about how we as adults are portraying sex – or not, which is it’s own issue to our children. Are we setting our kids up to be as dysfunctional as we are, or even worse? I’ve talked to many parents about this issue and most agree (once they get over their own shock that they are discussing their kid’s sexuality) that they would want their kids to have a healthy and fulfilling sex life. I argue that for most of us, that means healing our own wounds around sexuality. Whether it’s body image issues, religious shame or simply a complete lack of accurate information, which leads to poor critical thinking skills when it comes to sex.

 

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 is the resident sexologist at Adam & Eve and also runs a private practice and media consulting business. She has a Doctorate from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. Her professional affiliations include AASECT, SSSS, and the American Board of Sexologists. She also has a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology and completed a postgraduate degree in Marriage, Family and Addictions Recovery Therapy.

© Copyright Dr. Kathleen Van Kirk