Why Flowers are Poor Substitutes for Sex Toys on Valentines Day

Flowers – the typical, and oh-so overdone Valentine’s gift. Why not get something for Valentine’s day that will tie into the evening’s activities that much more, and stand the test of time: sex toys! Here are a collection of reasons that a good vibrator is the ideal gift for this romantic holiday.

  1. When flowers start to die, they drop their leaves and petals all over the place. When a sex toy starts to die, you just have a slightly less powerful sensation until you change the batteries.
  2. Would you rather have your friends be jealous of the fact you’ve got some flowers, or neighbours be jealous of the amount of screaming and moaning coming from your bedroom?
  3. Sex toys travel well. When you need a little pick-me-up on a business trip, it’s a lot easier to transport a small bullet vibe than a dozen roses.
  4. Your partner will get as much enjoyment out of a new sex toy as you will. Most guys aren’t that into flowers.
  5. Have you ever heard of an allergy to vibrators?
  6. Six weeks after getting flowers, they’re sat at the bottom of a garbage barrel or in your compost pile. Six weeks after getting a rabbit vibrator, you’re still amazed at how you never have cum so hard in your life.
  7. Flowers can bring bugs into the house. The only time you’ll get insects on sex toys is if you’ve been playing with them outdoors.
  8. Getting flowers at work will make most of your female co-workers saying how sweet your man is. Getting sex toys at work will lead to much more interesting conversations.
  9. There are dildos that are just as visually appealing as a bunch of flowers.
  10. You can appreciate finger-tip vibes in the dark.
  11. Flowers may be edible, but flavoured lubes and chocolate body paint are probably a bit tastier on the tongue.
  12. Taking a shower with a handful of tulips doesn’t quite have the same seductive factor as bringing in a waterproof vibrator.
  13. You can enjoy a nipple clamps when your nose is all stuffed up with a cold.
  14. The way a woman’s vaginal area looks after a few moments with a pussy pump is better than any orchid could ever look.
  15. If you really want a flower, you can get the best of both worlds.

Sure, you may think that flowers are less “forward” and a bit more tactful for those relationships that are just starting out at this time of the year, but for those of us who have been in long standing partnerships and are used to getting the traditional bunch of roses each February 14th, a sex toy is a great break from the monotony and a sure fire way to get the action you’re looking for that evening!