Why Guys Get to Come By Default and Women Don’t

This is the way that it has seemed since the dawn of time. Women — if we get off it’s by happenstance or major elbow grease. Ok, ewe that sounds gross. But you get what I mean. For most women we have to either make sure we are in the right position, manually stimulate ourselves and/or do some serious fantasy work in our heads to get off on a regular basis and that’s not taking into account hormonal fluctuations or the health of these relationships we are in.

It’s all about the money shot so to speak as to whether the sex you just had was acceptable or not. If he hasn’t spewed semen in you or on you, well it just means you aren’t done yet. Women’s orgasms not can silently slip by. So even when we’ve had he may not have noticed. Makes it easier to fake but who wants that?

We’ve made it acceptable in our culture for women to engage in intercourse and not expect an orgasm. It is not socially agreeable that men don’t get to experience the sweet release every time they have sex. Hence, all of the products and pills out there that make sure he can get off.  When a guy can’t come it’s not assumed to be his fault, when a woman can’t orgasm the blame usually goes to her.Why Guys Get to Come By Default and Women Don’tWhich isn’t exactly untrue. We are ultimately all responsible for our own orgasms. So if you want to have one, you should damn well be sure you know how to give yourself one on your own and in the middle of a lovemaking session. I see too many women wait for their male partners to somehow intuit how to get them off. And unfortunately too many women who choose not to empower themselves and communicate about what works for them and what doesn’t.

So folks, it all boils down to a) knowing your own body (I would argue that men definitely have handled their own penises far more than most women get to know their vaginas.) b) being empowered to communicate about how to hit that sweet spot. A little more self-pleasure and a lot more communication under the sheets is exactly what we need to level the playing field when it comes to the big O.

image is a copyrighted photo of the models

 is the resident sexologist at Adam & Eve and also runs a private practice and media consulting business. She has a Doctorate from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. Her professional affiliations include AASECT, SSSS, and the American Board of Sexologists. She also has a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology and completed a postgraduate degree in Marriage, Family and Addictions Recovery Therapy.

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