You, Me and Some Porn

Why would you want to cross that barrier and watch erotic videos with your lover? Because it’s fun and exciting and it is a great way to spice things up. But even beyond that, it will help you communicate more clearly about sex and can actually assist you in learning a thing or two. Porno as education? Hell, yes!  This isn’t about comparing yourself performance or looks-wise, it’s about being freer with your sexuality and sharing something just a little taboo to keep your relationship interesting.

Here are my top 7 tips on how to enjoy a little chicka-chicka-bow-ow with your special someone.

you me porn

  1. Pick something out together. Get something that you are both interested in. This is a great environment to talk openly about your interests and find out what her turn-ons are. Have fun with it.
  2. Start off with something mild. “Couples” videos or classic porn is a great place to start. 70’s music and hairy, natural people are less threatening, somehow.
  3. Do make fun of porn. It’s an ideal icebreaker to mutually laugh at the stupid music or the awkward positions. But don’t make fun of porn TOO much. You may be inadvertently criticizing what really turns her on. Or you may “ruin” the mood.
  4. Pay attention to cues. Is she is looking on in horror as her body turns rigid, or is she sidling up to you while she squirms in her seat? That is an important distinction. Observe…and you will be rewarded.
  5. Learn from porn, but don’t take it at face value. Myths and inaccuracies are so prevalent in adult film that it is almost laughable. Just because a male porn star can make a female porn star orgasm by sticking his penis down her throat does not mean ANY other woman will come that way. Check your facts. Uhhh…her clitoris is not in the back of her throat.
  6. Be open. Just because she is getting turned on during the guy/guy scenes, does not mean you have to get turned on by them as well. Turn your attention to her during the scenes that don’t necessarily work for you. Let her aroused state be your porn.
  7.  Fast forwarding is your friend. If something doesn’t work for either of you, fast forward. Note: Before you leap for the button make sure you KNOW for certain it is not a secret turn on for your partner.

Now find some private time to get your freak on. Yes, make sure the door is locked and don’t be afraid to enjoy your skin flick with a glass of pinot noir. Relax and enjoy what awaits you.


 is the resident sexologist at Adam & Eve and also runs a private practice and media consulting business. She has a Doctorate from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. Her professional affiliations include AASECT, SSSS, and the American Board of Sexologists. She also has a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology and completed a postgraduate degree in Marriage, Family and Addictions Recovery Therapy.

© Copyright Dr. Kathleen Van Kirk