In A Parked Car: You may have lined up along a deserted road for a quickie in your teenage years, but now is a great time to revive that youthful desire and get it on in the back seat of the car. For those who aren’t as “open” about their sex lives as they once were, keep in mind that it takes at least seven minutes for the body to generate enough steam to fog up the windows. Make-shift curtains made out of coats squeezed into closed windows should help, and crank up that heat to keep warm.

At Your Office: So you’re up for some kinky fun in your office, but not ready to get spied on? Make your rendezvous after normal office hours. You can explain to nosey officemates that you’ve got a pile of work to sort through, and drop a hint to the cleaning crew that your office doesn’t need their attention tonight. While your desk might not be as comfortable as a pile of snow, it’ll sure save you from that dreaded frostbite.

Planes and Trains: Commuting to the office with your honey? Taking a much needed trip away? Take advantage of those small bathrooms on planes and trains. One great tip that we have heard from mile-high club members is to bring an airsickness back with you to the bathroom. That way if you do get caught, you can ‘play’ that one of you is not feeling so well, and the other is there to comfort them. Just remember to zip up before you open the door.

Our sex life was getting a bit stale, and at 40 years old, our bodies weren’t as strong as they once were. We had tried new positions and new styles of play, but it kept boiling down to the fact that we just weren’t able to keep up with our own desires. Don’t get me wrong – we are a fit couple. We exercise, do yoga and don’t have a huge amount of medical problems. But when you want your partner to hold your hips up higher so he can plunge into you at a new angle, twenty minutes of thrusting gets tiresome! I decided to get the Liberator Ramp and Wedge Combo after seeing this set, along with others in the collection, in a catalogue we use for our sex toys.

Yes, there was an initial debate about the cost. $255 isn’t a drop in the bucket for us. It’s a serious chunk of chance for a sex toy. In my mind, it wasn’t just a sex toy. It was a piece of furniture that would make our lives easier and more pleasurable. It would be taken care of, last the years, and help my husband’s hips get into the right rhythm without worrying about his arms going dead holding me up.

You do get the quality for the price. This isn’t some blow-up sex wedge that you see in the shops. This is a well thought out piece of equipment made with sturdy materials. The covers are removable and washable (thank goodness) but are also stain-resistant. They stack together, but they can come apart and be used separately if you prefer. The velour material has a slight grip to it, so you’re not sliding across your cotton sheets while you’re on top of it. But the most important part – it puts my body in a position that gives me (and him) intense orgasms that we were not able to achieve before due to the restrictions of our own bodies.

The Liberator Ramp and Wedge Combo is an investment piece. Don’t get me wrong, we are aware of that. But if you are looking for a long term, high quality way to enhance your sex life without getting sex swings that need hardware and a crash mat then we think this is the best option out there.

-          Go heavy on the foreplay. Before getting down to business, get the hand action going. If you’re lucky enough to have a mirror positioned so you can watch yourselves in the shower, it’ll go a long way in adding to the turn-on factor. Use your soapy hands to explore each other’s bodies.

-          Be careful where you put those soapy hands. Speaking of soap and foreplay, be careful where you put those soapy hands. The majority of body wash isn’t meant to be used internally, so if you plan on sending your fingers places, be sure they are rinsed off before penetration.

-          Lay a towel on the shower floor. A wet towel will not only help prevent slips when things start to get active, they will also give a bit of cushion if someone ends up on their knees. It’ll also help keep you in place if you’re lucky enough to have a shower large enough for missionary under the water!

-          Share the warmth. Make sure that one of you isn’t hogging all of the warm water. You may be all warm and cozy under that stream of hot water, but your sorry lover may be starting to freeze when all you want to do is ravage them. Nothing’s quite like cold for a turn off, so keep it hot by sharing the warmth.

-          Create a “breathing tent”. One down side to oral sex in the shower is that the one doing all the work tends to end up struggling to breath under the stream of water. This can be overcome with a little help of the person on the receiving end. Form a tent with your hands by pressing your fingertips together and making the two sides of a triangle. Place this over the sides of your lover’s nose as they are going down on you. This will divert the water away from their nose, letting them breath while their mouth is otherwise occupied.

 -          Be careful when changing positions. Take it slow as unexpected soap patches or shampoo bottles could make things dangerous.

 -          Find a position that works for you. We can’t say “such and such” a position works best for shower sex, as it all depends on what your shower layout is like, and the flexibility of the couple involved.  Do you have a ledge in your shower (maybe a shower seat or a higher wall to a bath tub)? Try having one lover bend and lean on this ledge  while the other comes from behind doggy style. Good at balancing? Having one leg up makes standing sex easier. Have a large shower floor? Get enough towels down and use it as a wet-bed stand in, making a lot of positions a lot easier.

If you don’t plan on expanding on your relationship with your bedmate past this single encounter, make sure that’s understood the next morning. There’s nothing worse than the ‘what ifs’ and ‘does he think I want more’ questions that can crop up. Some folks find that coming right out and saying what they want helps, while others wait until the one night stand starts making assumptions and sending signals before putting a stop to things.

Casual sex isn’t always something to regret the next morning, but it does sometimes have its pitfalls. If you  ended up spending the night with someone you work with, chances are other co-workers know about it as well. That walk of shame that takes place on the Saturday morning may just last all the way until Monday afternoon. To nip the gossip mill in the bud at work, the best offence is a good defense. There’s a reason celebs reply with “no comment” when hounded by paparazzi after embarrassing moments. In most case, adding details will only stoke the rumor fires.

Whatever you do, the most important thing is to not let that regret linger. Yes, you may have done something that your ‘sober you’ does not approve of, but it’s a live and learn situation. If it’s alcohol that got you into trouble, cut down on the drinks for your next gathering. If it was getting caught up in the moment, remind yourself throughout the night what your personal boundaries are, and stick with them! At the end of the day, the night has come and gone, and now is time to move forward.

Psychological or Physiological?

Then there is the possibility that something physiological may be at play. Some women suffer with estrogen dominance, where their testosterone (the hormone of sexual drive) is not getting its chance to thrive because there is too much estrogen in the body. Estrogen dominance can come about through the use of birth control pills or simply on its own. Signs of other conditions to rule out for include hypothyroid. Symptoms like weight gain, low energy or depression may also be present. All can be signs that her hormones may not be at the levels they could.

When it comes to sexuality issues, or relationship issues for that matter, if one person in the couple believes there is a problem, then there is. It does not need to be unanimous. It would be more helpful of course if she was apart of the process though, especially if she would agree to get some testing done by her doctor. I would suggest finding a sexuality/relationship therapist in your area and go for at least a session or two so you can at least get an assessment by a third party as to what is going on. Discussed out in the open, there may be compromises that you can agree on when it comes to sexual behaviors.

Working Through the Issue(s)

If there is no way to get her on board with dealing with this issue and she wants to stay in denial, you have some decisions to make as an individual. You need to decide how important these behaviors are to you and focus on the fact that you do get to at least share physical affection if not sex. Perhaps your focus on fantasy will help get you through. However, it is my hope that if you approach her during a non-sexual time and verbalize in a calm and rational way what your issues are AND that you are at the point that you think you both need help sorting this out, that she’ll come around and you can at least work on the issue together as a couple.

Dr. Kat is the resident sexologist at Adam & Eve and also runs a private practice and media consulting business. She has a Doctorate from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. Her professional affiliations include AASECT, SSSS, and the American Board of Sexologists. She also has a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology and completed a postgraduate degree in Marriage, Family and Addictions Recovery Therapy.

© Copyright Dr. Kathleen Van Kirk

Here are five winter health myths that effect sex and relationship, and the truth behind them. Now you have no excuse for not going out and enjoying yourself this season!

1. If you spend too much time outdoors, you’ll catch a cold. Have your outdoor sexcapades taken a sideline this winter due to your worries about catching a cold? They shouldn’t be! Going outside, even with wet hair, in no way, shape or form causes you to catch a cold. Viruses and bacteria are the little nasties that cause colds, and being outside in the cold actually helps you avoid these germs. Having a little fun in the snow can actually improve your health!

2. Don’t exercise in the cold or you’ll have a heart attack. While the cold itself won’t cause the heart attack, there is a line of truth to this myth. Going from a complete resting state to one of extreme exertion in the cold can be very unhealthy for your heart. (This is why you hear so many tales of heart attacks from shoveling snow.) How do you get around this? Warm up first! So before you head outside to have some missionary style loving in the snow, have some foreplay.

3. Only arctic explorers and people who live outside get frostbite. Completely untrue! You can get frostbite in as little as 30 minutes. Frostbite is when a part of the body (usually extremities like hands, fingers, feet and toes) become numb, then blister from the cold. If you start feeling numb during your wintertime outdoor love making, it may be time to turn back into the house and continue your actions in front of the fire.

4. You don’t need sun block during the winter. The sun is always out, no matter the season. Even though the days are shorter and the sun is lower in the sky, you can still get sunburned in the winter. Make sure that any exposed skin – like your face when wearing a hat or hood – is covered in a UVA/UVB blocking sunscreen. Doctors suggest using SPF30 that contain zinc or titanium.

5. You need more sleep in the winter. Don’t let the shorter days in the winter fool you into thinking you need more sleep, and therefore can’t stay up for some loving, get in the way of super sexy time. While you may want to snuggle under warm blankets and have a snooze, you actually don’t physically need more sleep during the winter months.

Alas, how can this be? Don’t I, Dr. Kat advocate for more talk versus less between the sheets? To answer my own question…well, yes, mostly. Generally, I am all for more communication. Telling your lover how good something feels, directing him or her where and how to touch, mixing it up a little bit with a well placed “fuck me” does the trick for a lot of people and of course everyone is different.

There are people who over analyze and want to be verbal about it. But even that isn’t such a bad thing if you are a partner that is either the same way or just “gets” that, that is how your partner is. If not, however, there’s nothing like trying to subtly or not so subtly telling your partner to keep their trap shut during sex. A well placed hand over the mouth may or may not be welcome but I digress.

Verbal diarrhea during sex can be an arousal killer. There is a certain energy to sex that can become stifled by too much talk. Talking during sex should add to the action. It can enhance the flow if you are being truly present with your partner. There are those strong silent types on the other end of the spectrum, who you never know how they feel — at least until they orgasm, so I’m not advocating for being over stoic either. But like anything in life there is a balance to be struck. A dance between you and your partner based on what you feel you want to express and what you feel you partner would enjoy hearing. Both sides need to be honored and if you are present and use your intuition even a little, you can find your own sexual verbal flow.

Dr. Kat is the resident sexologist at Adam & Eve and also runs a private practice and media consulting business. She has a Doctorate from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. Her professional affiliations include AASECT, SSSS, and the American Board of Sexologists. She also has a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology and completed a postgraduate degree in Marriage, Family and Addictions Recovery Therapy.

© Copyright Dr. Kathleen Van Kirk

And something about the holidays, perhaps its an overdose of cheer, can be seriously depressing. Lots of doctors and sexologist say that the best remedy for the wintertime blues is SEX, sex and more sex.

Sex can make all the sadness go away. Shacking up with your lover on a chilly night in front of the fire with a little hot apple cider – maybe throw a fur rug on there – can make for a beautiful evening. According to psychologists there is something called “Seasonal Affective Disorder” which basically makes you clinically depressed in the wintertime. Obviously its worse in the colder states, but people can easily get “SAD” in places like California too because of the shorter days. Symptoms can include oversleeping and overeating, sluggishness, social withdrawal and a general sense of unease.

Doctors say light therapy helps – where you use UV lamps that act as temporary sunshine – to increase your mood, but the real secret is sex. Sex is all the sunshine you need all year round. Sex is the ultimate stress reliever and depression killer. Why would you want to spend all winter moping around the house when you can be skipping down the street whistling because you just got laid?

So, stoke the fire, heat up the apple cider (you can even throw in a little something extra), and get busy! Some kinky little extras that can use to kick the blues are some good scented candles, perhaps a few vibrators, lingerie, and maybe a few sexy movies. If you are kicking those blues – why not go all out!

The team at Adam and Eve have come up with a few suggestions on ways to heat up your sex live in those cold and frosty winter months!

-          Use a heating blanket to warm up your bed before you get in. Cold sheets are a HUGE turn off, so you’ll want to pre-heat your bed before sliding in. If you are used to having sex without any sheets or blankets covering you, you can get mattress pad style heaters that will keep your fitted sheet warm while you and your lover enjoy each other on top!

-          Move to the bath or hot tub. If you enjoy the hot tub and the pool in the summer, take those same underwater sexual adventures indoors. The good thing is that bathrooms are usually the smallest ones in the house, so they heat up rather quickly once the steam is going!

-          Heat up your sex toys! Does the thought of a cold dildo inside you make you shrivel up and squirm? Glass sex toys can be bathed in warm water to increase their temperature. Be sure you test them on your inner elbow first, though, since you don’t want to burn any sensitive areas.

-          Break out the sleeping bags. Insulation, confined spaces, and only enough room for two bodies when they are on top of each other – sounds like the perfect way to keep warm this winter! We’d keep it slow when you’re making love in a sleeping bag or you may risk a sliding zipper.

-          Keep the clothes on. Sure, nakedness is sexy, but there are times when a lifted up skirt and an unzipped fly is all you need to get the job done. Quick and dirty can be just as fun as slow and passionate!

What are your wintertime warming tips for lovers? We’re eager to hear from you! Let us know what you do in the winter months to keep warm while having sex, or drop us a note on our Facebook or Twitter pages.